So here is chapter one. As we go along, you’ll notice my chapter titles are 80s songs. My heroine has a thing for 80s music, and that will be a running thread in the book.
The main things I would like help with are:
1) Point out speed bumps – moments where an awkward/confusing/unclear sentence jerks you out of the story.
2) Places where I missed a good opportunity to backload an important sentence (put the most powerful word at the end).
3) Smooth out descriptive paragraphs. Description is my kryptonite. If you can imagine a simpler/better way to phrase a description, please make a suggestion.
4) Identify things that you thought were humorous or funny (or places you felt a joke fell short). I’d love to know if any of the things I’m throwing are hitting their mark.
Thanks so much for helping me and letting me be part of your group!
You must be logged in to access attached files.