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#33653
Carla Ward
Participant

Here’s chapter two. Hopefully I’m doing this right. I just add it into this folder of mine, right? Let me know if I’ve uploaded it to the wrong place.

Just a quick recap, in case you didn’t read chapter one. Leslie and Brock are rival cake shop owners and they have been assigned vendor booths right across the aisle from each other at the local bridal expo. My chapter titles are 80s songs that fit the theme of the chapter.

Things I’d like you to look for:

1) Point out speed bumps – moments where an awkward/confusing/unclear sentence jerks you out of the story. Feel free to suggest better wording!

2) Places where I missed a good opportunity to backload an important sentence (put the most powerful word at the end).

3) Smooth out descriptive paragraphs. Description is my kryptonite. If you can imagine a simpler/better way to phrase a description, please make a suggestion.

4) Identify things that you thought were humorous or funny (or places you felt a joke fell short). I’d love to know if any of the things I’m throwing are hitting their mark.

 

Thank in advance for your help!!

Carla

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