Reply To: Ana Morgan submissions

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Jen Melland

Hi Ana!

This chapter is well-written and engaging. I really enjoyed your use of dialect in the natural dialogue. Great job!

Jumping into Chapter 28, I obviously had some confusion about the general plot. There was an awful lot of characters present and it was hard to keep them straight. This is natural since I hadn’t read the rest of the manuscript, but also a good reminder to examine the scenes and see if everyone present is actually necessary.

As a reader, I felt I received a lot of information in a small space. I think it’s possible for you to flesh this section into two, maybe even three different chapters. Decide on a POV and stick to it for each scene, and really show the reader what the character’s are seeing and feeling. If you were a fly on the wall, how would you describe it? I would especially like to see more of Ammi’s emotions. What is she feeling as this is all playing out?

All in all, this was a great ending to what I can only assume is a wonderful story. I would love to pick this up from a shelf at my local bookstore or see it on Amazon’s best seller list ;).



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