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kathy.strobos
Participant

LESSON TWO -Homework

 

I just bought the Emotion Thesaurus and find it really helpful to add more emotion into my writing.

  1. For (A), the change is that she’s found what she’s seeking: an evil sorcerer, who’s chasing her with a big knife, so she’s at risk of dying.
  2. Emotions: Fear of extinction or mutilation or loss of autonomy. She’s already “been found out.” All fears, don’t see a core need.
  3. I love the sense of humor and the voice in this opening. Because of the sense of humor, she seems not quite so frightened and more take-charge. I found it interesting that there’s a parallel between the (A) and (B) examples: “You’d think that the worst that could happen to me was acute embarrassment and possible death.” And “Dying should have been the worst moment of my life.” So, both promising something worse than dying. And there are a lot of questions: why was she seeking him? Will she get away? And who’s going to stop a “three-thousand-year-old evil elven sorcerer?”

 

For (C)

  • There’s an intruder, and “another ship here meant big trouble”
  • Emotions: Fear of Extinction and fear of mutilation (the descriptive references to the “bloodbats” and the “coils of black conduit snaked” made it seem like her “home” was already not that friendly/welcoming a place and seems to play to the fear of mutilation). And since I don’t like bats flying around my head or snakes, that gave me a squeamish feeling. Fears dominate.
  • I like the active protagonist and the voice “Damn, double damn.” She seems much more used to screeching, spiraling bats than me. Lol. I also liked the pacing and the use of description to convey emotion. And the opening immediately engages your interest because an intruder means big trouble.

Ah-hah Moments: “Suss out the pertinent core emotions that can be launched at the story’s opening.”

And I love: “Think of the beginnings as the strip-tease. The seduction. The come-hither.”

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