Story B-Alona Dare
Change- Life/extinction—The narrator went from living to some undead existence, so maybe also mutilation as she’s lost her physical form
Emotions-The narrator feels fear, wonder, confusion, and determination to get to the bottom of what’s going on
What caught my interest—I like the narrator’s slightly snarky voice. Even though she’s dead, a ghost I’m guessing, she’s plucky and will likely survive.
Change- Life/ extinction—His wife is dead. And as an ex, he’s already a person of interest/ if he’s caught there, well, he’s Suspect Number 1. Also, he needs to worry about and figure out what his wife’s killers are going to do next.
Emotions- Outside the door, the main character feels dread, maybe in seeing his ex-wife, then in smelling what might be death, worry over what he’s figuring out might have happened. Hope as he reasons the smell might be a dead raccoon. Then grief as he opens the door and sees his ex-wife dead.
What caught my interest—Wow, so much is happening on the first page, so much emotion is detailed. I’m pulled in and want to read more.
Ah-ha moment—. All the examples pulled me in within a few short paragraphs. I connected with the main characters and started to worry about their situations. I’m impressed. I need to really work my first pages, try to nail the change from normal and what’s at stake as early as possible.