Example D and Kinsella’s opening have a lot in common–I’m sure you see that. We’re deep in character. In “D” we have more setting but it’s SF and–know thy genre–that’s more of a requirement. Kinsella’s super fun “filling out massage questionnaire” deals with things the reader should already know about: filling out a questionnaire for a service (even if the reader has never had a massage, he or she has filled out SOME kind of medical or quasi-medical form if she/her is an adult). Love the VOICE.
Yeppers, voice. Voice grabs the reader. Voice sells. Now, as mentioned, it’s tough (really tough) to teach voice but one can teach conflict and one can teach word choice and one can teach characterization and one can teach pacing…
Keep those two openings and HOW they made you FEEL in mind when you craft your own work. You want to offer THAT to your reader which means, yes, sometimes stripping your own emotions a bit bare and feeling frayed yourself as you write.
//Interstellar Adventure Infused with Romance//