Reply To: Student: HiDee Ekstrom Homework Thread

Home Forums HOOK ‘EM DANO Student: HiDee Ekstrom Homework Thread Reply To: Student: HiDee Ekstrom Homework Thread

#42636

HiDee,

You definitely get the feel for the tortured hero and that he is trying to right his past. His frustration at himself is palpable.

The one note I would make is that you have dropped a lot of backstory in right up front. And there are places where you can trust your reader to get the picture without showing them. For example:

It meant he was doing the right thing. Something he hadn’t done often enough in his life. The reader already knows that his mentor’s words mean something to him. You can let them go with just the feeling the words give him.

Everybody else missed what she’d seen in him – a tortured soul seeking something beyond his grasp.  This may just be my pet peeve showing through, but I’ve always felt that when I am told everyone else missed what he/she saw in someone it means they were not like everyone else. Not happy-go-lucky, maybe not a tortured soul, but definitely the odd man/woman out. This is another place where you can trust that your reader will understand if you just leave it at, “Everybody else missed what she’d seen in him.”

I do think the fact that you are dealing with a tortured hero and reunion romance comes through well. Good to have those tropes jump off the page. 🙂

Nice job.

 

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