Reply To: Student: Ana Morgan Homework Thread

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Vicki Briner

Hi Ana!

It’s nice to finally get to read your work. This is a great setup.

As for the lesson four objectives, I’d say your trigger set up is that Ammi’s father killed her mother and Galen became a doctor after his baseball career ended. The inciting incident is their chance meeting. She’s there to see Dr. Puissard to discuss her father, but the doctor isn’t there and Galen’s filling in. As for the hook, we find out her father is schizophrenic and she may have inherited the gene. I thought your scene ending hook was excellent.

I think you’ve hit on a lot of the things covered in the class so far, i.e. fear of extinction and loss of autonomy for Ammi, as well as Ego-death for Galen. You’ve also created sympathy for Ammi by revealing her situation, and you’ve added admirable qualities for Galen: athletic, confident, intelligent, etc.

I guess my only constructive criticism would be to add in something to make her a little more likable. Maybe have her acknowledge an attraction to him.


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