Reply To: Student: Juliette Hyland Homework Thread

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INCITING INCIDENT Marrying for money
TRIGGER SET UP, AND/OR THE HOOK His brother’s death and debts
THE FIRE Married for money, now has a bride he doesn’t know and dislikes
CHANGE HAPPENING The marriage was a change but maybe the current change is getting to know his bride
EMOTIONS TRIGGERED BY CHANGE He must feel abandoned, frustrated, unloved, rejected. We see a glimpse of attraction and maybe hope that she’s more than he expected.
NEEDS Need to be loved, to belong
SUGGESTIONS I find your MC sympathetic because he was abandoned by his family and is trying to save the family estate in the only way he knows how. A little more sympathy might be created by having him care about something—hoping to see his old nanny? His pony? An old flame? Or instead of caring, perhaps he fears seeing them? (I’m not quite sure what or who he is panicking about when the estate is mentioned.) Or maybe he could be determined to treat his bride with respect even though he despises her. (the ‘civil relationship’ hints at that but maybe it could be hammered home a bit more.) That would be admirable. The bride is currently an enigma, which allows us to learn about her as he does. I’m expecting that, per genre conventions, we’ll probably see her POV next.


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