I really enjoyed reading your story and I was definitely hooked and wanted to keep reading. I particularly loved that right after he says “not a chance I’ll get it”, he pushes in to try to get it. And that kind of sums up his character which is part of the emotional hook. He feels like an underdog fighter who I want to root for. You did a great job in bringing in all those details – always hungry, mom and dad dead, washed up in the men’s bathroom, found the skates, doesn’t trip in the hills, etc.
Trigger: New Job
I presume that the inciting incident will be that he is chosen to deliver the package. I was confused about the package and Hands Only vs Regular Delivery. I re-read the elite guard conversation and since they said they had put it regular delivery, and he was trying for the HO delivery, I thought maybe it was not the same package that they had dropped off. But it seemed like it should be the same package. Unless he doesn’t get the HO package and then he gets the regular delivery package, which is actually the dangerous one.