Hi Kathy. I love your premise. Lots of fun stuff. Your inciting incident is not clear to me. To me the inciting incident is something that propels you forward and prevents you from going backwards (I hope I have that right)
Trigger or hook for me is that Rory wants a fake girlfriend.
I am not sure I get what is about to change for Penelope. Is she about to become the fake girlfriend? I am getting that she loves Rory and so she should look forward to being his fake girlfriend if she loves him. Am I missing something here?
One other comment. I would like if you were deeper into Penelope’s head. I want to know more about what she is thinking when she is talking to Rory Also one other comment. You do something I do ( I try to watch myself) in that you start a lot of your sentences with “I”. I too struggle with that so I am not much help in knowing how to correct it….but I am betting our jailer may give you some great suggestions.-:)