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#42713
Cynthia Capley
Participant

I don’t think I’ve ever read a medical suspense. I will need to keep my eye out for when this releases.

1. Inciting Incident – The appearance of Ammi Folkright at Galen Thomas’s lecture. Galen is unaware that this event will change his life. Although, we get a hint that maybe on some level he finds Ammi special.

2. Trigger Set Up/Hook – Ammi wants to find out information about what happened to her mother before it’s too late. She needs the drugs being given to her father to stop because they are deteriorating his memory.

3. Can you spot fire of first flickering of possible fire MC won’t be able to put out? – ┬áIf Galen agrees this will put him against Dr. Puissard, his mentor. This could have consequences for Galen’s changes to work for the Minnesota Twins.

4. Is there clear change happening? Emotion triggered by change? – Ammi is running out of time. She may develop schizophrenia within the year. She may never find out what happened to her mother. There are several emotional triggers here. Not knowing what happened to her mother. The incarceration of her father. Her father being drugged and losing his memory as a result. The possibility she will develop schizophrenia.

5. Suggestions for first pages if any? Is it brain craving worthy? – I feel the largest brain craving bit is what will happen once Galen agrees to help Ammi. There is going to be lots of conflict as a result. Galen will face his chances to work with the Minnesota Twins to be at risk as well as going against his mentor.

This is an excellent strong start to the story.

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