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#42715
Cynthia Capley
Participant

1. Inciting Incident – Arthur Erickson is having to pretend to be a charter pilot.

2. Trigger – He’s on a mission. The mission which on the surface seemed simple has gotten more complicated.

3. Can you spot fire or first flickering of possible fire MC won’t be able to put out? – Arthur Erickson is an agent. He is good at lying but doesn’t enjoy it. He’s nervous about having to play the role of a charter pilot. Especially when faced with his copilot who is very knowledgeable. I feel his lying is going to get him into some real trouble this time.

4. Is there clear change happening? Emotional trigger? – I feel Arthur is at some turning point with regards to his lying and ability to lie. He seems to have baggage related to it and he will need to work through this in the course of the story. He’s nervous about having to lie about being a charter pilot so he’s not as comfortable with lying as he has been.

5. Suggestions for first five pages if any? Is it brain-craving worthy? – I feel there are things in the passage to keep the reading turning pages. The animosity of the copilot. The question of whether Arthur will be able to successfully play the role of charter pilot. We already get hints that he is having to scroll through facts mentally before responding to the copilot.

I really like this beginning and don’t know what I’d change. I’m interested in seeing what others suggest.

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