Thank you, Linnea! I have several completed versions–different beginnings, different endings, but basically the same plot and emotional journey. I’m starting to see the strongest direction now.
The skates need to be easily recognizable and known to be lightweight. But, yes, I see now that the rest of the description can go.
You didn’t ding me on avoiding conflict! What a relief! I realized almost immediately that I need to take away those skates so he’d be in worse shape.
I’m rewriting to add sensory details and to add more conflict. Those probably aren’t issues you’ll address in this class, so I won’t hurry to post the revision. But I will if I have time because I love the feedback.
I’m learning so much. Thank you.