based on Alicia Rasley’s advice, I have a suggestion for you. What if you started the scene at– Drip. Drip. Drip.
It’s funny you say this because I was thinking the same thing yesterday, and actually the paragraph after drip drip drip was the original beginning–I added the leaky faucet later. I’d gotten some feedback via a contest that the beginning wasn’t hooky enough and that starting with the MC checking his watch wasn’t original. While I don’t take every piece of advice I get, I did think that had merit and added on to the beginning. It’s definitely something to think about, as I’m not convinced the opening few paragraphs add much. I definitely liked your suggested move of the first line.
Thanks again. I appreciate the feedback.