To expand on that, the scene runs more smoothly (to me) with the dialogue broken up between actions, and the introduction of the chocolates, along with Edward knowing what they mean, is endearing. That calling her mother is a secret was a bigger hook for me than getting a problem call from her injured mother. Yes, both are problems, but keeping those calls a secret from her dad means drama as soon as he finds out. Either good drama or bad drama (it’s hard but works out, or it makes things worse, either way is good for a story, right?)
My mom jokingly told me if I didn’t get there soon she might kill Betsy.
Nice! Might add up to some internal conflict when Betsy ends up dead and she’s looking at her mom like “but did you do it?”
Plus the tug-of-war between responsibilities and the upcoming talk with Daddy-o, which probably isn’t going to go so great. <3
Author of Renn and The Springfield Chronicles