Reply To: Student: Kendra Frost Homework Thread

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#42845
Linnea Sinclair
Moderator

I had a bit of internal dialogue that talked about how boring this room was compared to some of the other houses she’s lived in, but it got smooshed out during edits because I couldn’t manage to fit it in right. ((Plus the complaint involved a lot of repetitious words and it annoyed me XD )) I spread the introduction and details between action, over the course of the whole chapter.

It’s good to include additional setting–but only if the setting is important to the action, or pending action, in that scene/chapter. That is, use setting as foreshadowing for conflict.

If you look at my brief opener posted for my FINDERS KEEPERS (that’s the gal (Trilby)  in the cavern working on her ship when her alarm blares), I detail the piping and such, snake-like, all over the decking… BECAUSE it’s a key element in the first part of the story that her ship is pretty much a disaster and she’s patching and cobbling it together. This is the impetus to her taking the risk to investigate the crashed fighter she sees and her taking the risk to salvage it because she’s broke and needs stuff. Because of all that, when she gets to the crashed fighter, the pilot is still alive (she’d not considered that possibility) and she grudgingly rescues him (he’s unconscious) in a momentary act of stupidity and generosity (very often, those with the least have the biggest hearts, but she’s also aware he’s an officer and maybe someone will pay her a reward for his return…). And then much of their interaction (once he regains consciousness and his strength) involves fixing her ship so the bad guys–who are after him and, now, HER–can’t get to them.

It’s fine, then, to use setting… but using setting must have a purpose in the overall plot and/or conflict and/or characterization.

I wanted you to detail the stuffies more BECAUSE it’s the contrast between them (ie: her normal) and the sudden appearance of the ferret (not normal). Granted, a ferret JUST showing up on an empty bed or bench is still a surprise, but it’s BETTER that he’s tucked inside the line of stuffies. It adds, I don’t know, almost a level of stealth and reasoning on his part. It makes his appearance that one more level… deeper.

As for the dirty clothes/clean clothes…that’s fine as an overall mention as I THINK it bears on characterization of her Aunt Linda. (It had better.) Or the overall messiness contributes to something upcoming (like the derelict condition of Trilby’s ship = the necessity of her taking the salvage risk).

Use setting to foreshadow or increase the tension, the feeling of pending conflict.

 

//Interstellar Adventure Infused with Romance//
www.linneasinclair.com

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