Linnea I REALLY wanna describe the apartment now… It’s important in terms of history/character how Larissa compares all the places they’ve lived, but I don’t know if it’s immediately needed, and it’s just a boring, generic, white-walled apartment, so its only interest is where it contrasts with the cooler houses Liss remembers. I do have a spot it could go, though, so I’ll reign in my enthusiasm until I get there. ((I’m glad I just started the editing on the first half of this. Just in time for the workshop, too!))
You note properly–CONTRASTS. In opening scenes, you need to focus more on moving things forward rather than just description. Use the setting, as I said, as part of what moves things forward. Or highlights pending issues. Since this current “home” isn’t up to par (in her mind) with the others, there could be ways to use that to ramp up tension.
The opening scene is in Larissa’s (Lissa’s) POV–and she’s thirty-four, and this is MG/YA? Not my wheelhouse, admittedly. I get that she’s “alien” to some extent. I don’t know how teen readers, though, will respond to the eventual revelation that the MC they’re aligned their hearts and minds with isn’t who and what they thought in terms of AGE. It could either work out totally brilliantly or totally flop, IMHO. I mean, the first romance writer who thought, hmm, let me make the romantic hero a dead person who sucks blood… probably got some deep pushback. Now, it’s a staple.
So, I leave that as is for now.
//Interstellar Adventure Infused with Romance//
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by Linnea Sinclair. Reason: finger fart as hubby is running a golf instruction video behind me as I type and it's slightly annoying... something about backswing... oy