Reply To: Student: Kendra Frost Homework Thread

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#42909
Linnea Sinclair
Moderator

I agree with Ellen. Each rewrite is just that much tighter, that much cleaner. The two key elements are the ferret and the sky (the first IS there and shouldn’t be, the second ISN’T there, and should be. Did you catch that symmetry?)

Watch word/phrase repetition:

At least my room smelled better than Linda’s. She’d shoved all her clothes, clean and dirty, into the same trash bags. I’d at least washed mine before bagging them, even if I hadn’t bothered folding. She’d stopped cleaning when I started middle school, telling me “make yourself useful at least.” Ew, and I have to ride in her car in the morning.

Overall, the development of an intriguing opener and situation…

//Interstellar Adventure Infused with Romance//
www.linneasinclair.com

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