Kendra, I just read your newest re-write. as you know I loved your opening before but now I can really see the difference. Everything is so much clearer and more inviting to a new reader of your genre. This class has been amazing…..and so much fun to see how the lessons and comments have impacted our openings and made them so much better.
It has, and it is! One of the reasons I keep hopping on here.
I agree with Ellen. Each rewrite is just that much tighter, that much cleaner. The two key elements are the ferret and the sky (the first IS there and shouldn’t be, the second ISN’T there, and should be. Did you catch that symmetry?)
I did not notice that symmetry! But now I think I might play on it. o.o
Nicely done, Kendra! I don’t normally read fantasy but this sounds very intriguing!
I really like this lesson 4 opening, Kendra.
Thank you all!
Author of Renn and The Springfield Chronicles