Your writing is lovely. You have a real gift for description. I liked the chapter and read it through once before I started the comments. It flows well and reads well. With that said, I’ve made several comments, mostly about the gangsters and the love scene. First, I would cut down some of the irrelevant gangster talk, especially some of the longer passages. The sex scene has some problem areas, mostly that there’s virtually no insight into what Faye is thinking or feeling emotionally. Something needs to change for her as a character with this scene. Is it an emotional change? Does she make a decision of some sort? Also, it’s my opinion that if you want to do an open door sex scene, you should commit to it. You don’t have to be explicit and/or use graphic/vulgar language, but you can’t describe some stuff and not other.
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