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#42971
Vicki Briner
Participant

Lesson 6

For the homework, I looked at Joanna’s submission and Mary’s geeky romance, In the Cards.

For Joanna:
Specifics that made me feel the story/author had credibility included the Uber ride in a Toyota sedan, the named bridge the car crosses over and the description of the bar patrons.

Some gaps in credibility (for me, at least) included the fact her friend’s occupation is never explained. Things like, “I’m from base,” and “rollout” and “implementation” don’t tell me much. I wanted more context. I also questioned whether this woman would actually drag her suitcase to a bar after a long flight for a girls’ night out. Maybe it would be more believable if there were more about the friendship, i.e. they’re celebrating something, the friend just moved back to town, etc. Finally, I think if this is a romance (it didn’t say), I would expect a description of Spencer.

For Mary’s In the Cards:
Specifics that made this seem authentic was the description of the convention. The characters seemed at east and familiar with working a gaming con, and that made it believable. I also really liked the line about dick pics, drunk texts and blocked numbers. This totally seemed like a legit experience, so that added credibility, too.

As for gaps that could be addressed, there’s a lot of dialogue, and I would have liked more internal thought for Cecilia. I think it would help anchor her as the POV character if we had more insight into the scene/conversation from her perspective.

 

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