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In the original opening, the two main things I noticed were quite a bit of backstory world building and not much action directly impacting the main character. She’s watching, observing, only moving stealthily toward the crash to pilfer valuables at the very end of the opening.
In the published version, potential danger hits the reader right away. Intruder alarm wailing. Trilby reacts, the bats panic and screech, an unidentified object streaks by. “Incoming!” A shipmate is introduced as an asset. Trilby sets off to investigate. Sweat chills on her skin when she recognizes the fighter plane, knows a full squadron is somewhere close by, Then realizes the fighter is failing. It crashes, and she reveals she and her crew function outside the law.