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The details in #1 help us see the setting and she interacts with it as she climbs. The smoke and the flames are details that bring the crash to life, but I’m not as connected to emotion as I am with #2, but I found the scene and character credible.
Bingo. We need that connection in the first chapter and especially in the opening pages. In #1, she’s kind of just recording everything (or I am, of course). In #2, she’s engaging with the scene.
#2 has more rooting interests and primal emotions—fear, worry, survival. The alarm immediately creates fear.
Yes, ma’am. We’ve gone from what’s going on OUTSIDE to what’s going on INSIDE. We still have visuals, setting, but we work to pair visuals with sensations.
//Interstellar Adventure Infused with Romance//