Reply To: A Tale of TWO OPENINGS : Finders Keepers/Linnea Sinclair

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#43028
Linnea Sinclair
Moderator

When I analyzed using some of the lessons we’ve learned, I felt the first lacked a sense of urgency. There’s a lot of sitting and she doesn’t seem to feel particularly worried or threatened. This contrasts to the second version, where the alarm is blaring, she’s bumping into things and knocking them to the floor. She’s sweaty. She’s got equipment malfunction, etc. I would say it hits pretty squarely on Fear of Extinction. There’s also more specifics in the second one: the ship’s console, bad/broken equipment, we know it’s a freighter, etc. Thanks for sharing. You don’t often get to see the progression of an author’s work.

Commenting on the latter sentence, it’s probably because we tend to delete files when they’re no longer needed. Or we rewrite over the working file, so original versions are lost. I don’t have the complete original MS for FINDERS KEEPERS. I’m not even sure why I have the partial first chapter of the original and it’s not in my book file.

The first definitely lacks urgency. It was that camera slowly panning in over the field of waving daisies syndrome. There are times we writers think cinematically but that doesn’t always work for print. We don’t have rolling opening credits to keep the viewer/reader focused. And we don’t have popcorn… 😉

//Interstellar Adventure Infused with Romance//
www.linneasinclair.com

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