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“Seriously? Being defensive when asked about your sister makes you seem guilty. Of what, I’m willing to find out.”<span class=””Apple-converted-space””> </span>
“Take that back!” DeLaney stepped in front of me making it impossible to see anything besides his firm chest. The sage brown knit top he was wearing definitely did him justice. He frowned, so I did too. “I’m the most caring guy there is. I’m not after the treasure.”
These are definitely telling statements, but they do show the danger writer’s face when crafting such statements. It’s wise not to be too obvious. Think about avoiding phrases like “you seem” or “I am”–which readers can interpret as you telling them what to think instead of showing them–and seek to make them as conversational as possible. For example, instead of “Being defensive when asked about your sister makes you seem guilty,” consider trying something like, “You know who gets all defensive like that? Guys who are guilty. Are you?” and in place of “I’m the most caring guy there is,” consider something like “Don’t you dare get after me like that. She’s my sister. She matters more to me than some box of gold [or whatever your treasure in the story is…]” But we do learn a lot about each character in this exchange, so you’re very close to achieving your goal.
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