<p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>“Ammi, one of these days you’re going to choose the future over the past. I hope it’s soon. Boy Martin needs a loving home.”</span></p>
This is a perfect mix of natural-sounding dialogue and information. I think you could even slip in another detail or two, such as “The way you’re rocking that boy makes me hope it’s soon.” The trick is to balance how much you can pack into a scene-opening line without overloading it. You’re off to a great start.
Author - Speaker - Coach