It definitely could be that your grief is manifesting as fear, yes. I know it has for me and probably has for several others.
I think you are so wonderfully insightful, Cheryl! I love how you realized how writing your first draft is such a different state of mind versus your editing state of mind. I love the realization that with editing, there’s a lot of reality, while with first-draft writing, there’s a lot of escape. This is brilliant! I think many of us write this way, so this is wonderfully helpful of you to articulate and share with us. Thank you!
And I know that I have some legitimate fears but sometimes some feelings will mask themselves as fear, like grief. I hate generalizing the genders, but it does seem that women, with being told they can’t be angry, sometimes mask anger as fear too. So I think your epiphanies are very far reaching, Cheryl. I think you’re spot on when realizing that reality bleeds into editing; therefore, it makes sense that our emotions bleed in too. Like editing wasn’t hard enough as it was! But with this understanding, we can arm ourselves and get ready for the emotions and reality that will surely come. Thank you for this, Cheryl!
This is beautifully insightful, and I’m so grateful you’re sharing with us! Look at you go, you bright beautiful shining star!