This is a very good start. I definitely feel as though Shane’s perception of wealth and privilege comes through,. You’ve got the external conflict with the company he works for being taken over and him quitting, but what you’re missing is the internal conflict and why it matters. This is what is going to hook the readers and cause them to keep reading. I would also love to see a little more of Shane’s personality in this first chapter. I feel as though it is very detached right now.
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