I read the chapters, but didn’t do a critique. Overall, I thought they read well. I liked the line at the end of Chapter 12, as well as the fact that you moved that entire last paragraph up. The slight move made a big difference. I had one question. Why is he at the hotel? I thought he needed to get on the road as soon Milly’s presentation was over. If he’s decided to stay overnight and get an early start, I think you should mention it. Although, maybe you did and I missed it.