I’d like some feedback on a few chapters. This is from my novel Lethal Lies, which I already subbed here. This submission is Chapter 25. It takes place after Eric and Elise have escaped her grandfather’s compound and flown to the Florida Keys. Eric needs to check in at the Miami office and Elise is left with her brothers at the airport. In the original version, she left to run home and check on her house and take a quick shower. While there, she’s accosted by Vincenzo (the villain).
Several people commented that needing a shower might not be a compelling enough reason for her to put herself in danger, so I’ve rewritten it to give her a more heroic reason to do the thing she promised not to do—leave the airport.
This is a bit of a longer chapter for me–about 3600 words, but hopefully it’s polished enough it won’t be too much of a chore to read. Since I’ve run this through here already, general feedback is fine, but if you want to do comments/in-line suggestions, that’s also be appreciated.