Reply To: Exercise 2

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 Reply To: Exercise 2


Hi, Ruchama

What I love most about this is there is a clear voice from the very beginning. It draws me in. There are also details, including weird imaginings of ending up in a fake world.

So I was hooked, but then distanced by all the exposition and reflection. I know that the character is basically paralyzed, making action difficult. That’s tough to pull off, especially in flash fiction where stasis is death, so this is a problematic task for the form. (Also, editors hate waking up stories, no matter how good. Sadly, their inboxes get filled with characters coming to consciousness… and most of those are not good. Putting more than one waking up makes it a tougher sell.)

I presume that the character is paralyzed (perhaps dead?) and doesn’t know her situation. If she doesn’t get out of bed, this is likely to be literary (rather than commercial) and will need to lean into language and some central idea. If it is commercial, she needs to get active and take charge of her situation. That may involve getting out of bed, but it could also mean bending others to her will.

Horror is also a possibility, but I’m guessing that’s not where you’re going.


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