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If you want to cut this down (a good idea even if it’s a first chapter), you might look first at what is not moment-to-moment. My rough guess is that this has about 500 words that could be considered using the criteria I provided.

Peter, all your feedback is golden, thank you. Yes, the goal is to write this BOTH as a flash first (and have a satisfying ending, so thanks for letting me know it’s not, since the story question was going back in time to change when things went totally wrong), THEN to let it marinate for when I’m ready to tackle it as a novel. My gut tells me there’s a big conflict in here, and I need to start seeing the “cast” who would move it as an urban fantasy.

The cool thing was when I had this idea (to try to write it as a flash first), a little later a friend shared how the author of Wendy, Darling, wrote it first as a flash, then turned it into the novel.

Here’s the link as her flash

and here’s the publishing house promo, where you can see how this morphed into the first chapter.

Back to Neverland: Revealing A.C. Wise’s Wendy, Darling

Proof of the power of the flash, I was ready to buy the novel, knowing how she’d hooked me with the flash. My local indie bookstore (Birdie Books) is working on getting me Wendy, Darling, and several other books that have caught my eye.


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