This is so clean, I didn’t make a single correction. My only wish is that it were a bit longer so the emotional moment when she sees Burke coming with her could be bigger.
This moment (below) could be drawn out so she thinks she sees him ahead, isn’t sure. Maybe has a visceral reaction about how he’d never give up his magic for her. That she wouldn’t want him too. But how much she will miss him. And then it is him. That kind of thing.
“She looked up. Burke stood in the crowd of deportees assembled in front of the gate, the olive-green straps of his camo go bag draping his shoulders. Two Truce Force guards prevented him from rushing back to meet her.”