Jessica Jayne

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  • in reply to: August 2020 SIAW post #43245
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Good Morning! Here are my goals:

    1. Your goal for the week – An hour and a half a day (I’m revising a project so I don’t know what that would equate to in word count.) However, the plan is to have this manuscript ready for my editor by end of August.
    2. Your sprint time(s) availability (with time zone) – Either early morning 5:30 am – 7 am or evenings 5pm-7pm (EST)
    3. The project you’re working on (you don’t have to be specific if you don’t want to) – Need to have manuscript ready by end of August for editor – revising stage of Haven
    4. The reward you’re going to give yourself when you smash your goal! – much like Cheryl, I’m going to go for a massage! Much needed 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Vicki Briner Submissions #43228
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Vicki, Great chapter. I think the internal thoughts are good here because it sets both characters’ frame of mind. And I love the chapter ending. 🙂 Made a few small comments – use what is useful.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #43227
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Pretty clean (and interesting) chapter, Zara. Just a couple small things, but otherwise – well done.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43208
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Zara, Thank you. It is amazing how changing a few words and a few areas can totally alter the emotional experience. I appreciate your insight and advice. And I do cherish the compliments. 🙂 You’ve influenced me greatly this year on the deeper POV. I try not to have the Emotional Thesaurus too far away. 🙂

    As for your question about why Ke hasn’t said I love you yet…he didn’t want to say it before she left because it might be too soon. And he doesn’t want the first time he says it to be on the phone. He wants to say it in person. Hint: he’s headed to Ohio in the next chapter so I think you’ll be pleased to know those three words make an appearance. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43185
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Love these suggestions, Ana. Thank you. I’ll work on rewriting this chapter this weekend. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43181
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Thanks for your feedback, Ana. I will take it under advisement.

    I wasn’t going for petty. I was trying to go for insecure and scared for Mia, especially after her fight with her father. Long distance relationships are really hard. Having done the long distance thing with my husband in the early part of our relationship, I remember us getting into these silly arguments on the phone because one of us was feeling insecure about the situation. I think that’s a normal part of the distance, especially in the beginning of a relationship. I was trying to convey that, but it doesn’t sound like it came off that way. Appreciate your viewpoint.

    I do like the idea of Kekoa coming up with the solution on his own. I will rework that area right away.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: JUNE CHAPTER MINUTES: #43160
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Typo found by President Shirley Tudhope. Corrected. Posting updated minutes.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: JUNE CHAPTER MINUTES: #43158
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Attached please find the June 2020 Chapter Meeting Minutes.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43150
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Attaching Chapter Twenty-Three. Appreciate any and all feedback.

     

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Lisa Warren #43129
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Lisa, I think the revisions are great. My only thought is that the first two paragraphs–though much shorter than in the original–still seem distant and not in Faye’s POV. You give great description but I feel like this opening could be tightened from a POV perspective. Otherwise, I enjoyed this chapter…again!

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: PLEASE READ Regarding RWA Notifications #43124
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Thank you for all your hard work, Merien.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: SIAW is next week! #43123
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Cheryl, I have requested to join the Productivity forum so I can participate in SIAW! 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43102
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Thank you, Zara. Once again, your suggestions and comments are spot on. Appreciate all the time you have dedicated to helping me make this story stronger, better. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Welcome new member Mary Cooper !! #43070
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Welcome, Mary!

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: REMINDER, BOD meeting. 8/5/20 #43068
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Happy Saturday. Attached is the Secretary’s report from our 7.16.20 BOD meeting. Please let me know if any changes are needed.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Vicki Briner Submissions #43066
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Vicki, This revision is great. Just a few comments. Use what you find helpful. 🙂 Great job here!

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43064
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Thanks for making me work for this one! 🙂 This has added a great deal to the last parts of the book!

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43058
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    So I’ve put myself on a deadline to get this book published this year! 2020 will not stop me! 🙂

    I cannot thank you enough for your feedback and suggestions on this chapter. Please take a look and let me know if this scene works better. I actually think it will assist with the direction of the next two chapters. This argument with her father throws her off a bit and the distance between her and Kekoa is hard – so Chapter Twenty-Three will make so much more sense.

    Look forward to the feedback.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43056
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    This may sound a little over the top, but I love you guys! 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43050
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Ana, As I’m re-reading through this chapter with your comments in mind, I do want to add a little more conflict here. It might even help with the following chapters as I close things out if this chapter has a little more drama.

    I do want Mia to have to have to fight for this relationship. But I’m trying to figure out how to do this without making her father a dictator because he isn’t. Perhaps a little background:

    I grew up in the Serbian culture. My father was the first of his six siblings to be born in the US. His two older sisters were born in Germany in hiding after my grandparents fled a concentration camp where they met. (Cute story in very difficult times) So I based Mia’s father a little on my own as my father did marry outside the culture and was actually disowned for several years until us grandchildren came along. Despite that, once we re-acclimated back into the culture and I became a teenager, my father encouraged my dating of Serbian boys. 🙂 I had a similar conversation with my father as Mia does here except mine was at a much younger age. I have a much less “people pleasing” personality than Mia. 😉 However, I have 21 first cousins and many of them didn’t have the option to marry outside the culture.

    Anyway, I provide this information in hopes of getting some thoughts from you or anyone else on the forum on how I can do this without making her father villainous. He’s a powerful man and has strong opinions but in the end he loves his daughter more than anything, would never disown her (he, himself, didn’t marry within the culture) and feels horrible that his actions and words may have caused her years of unhappiness. He was trying to preserve the culture loves with hopes of passing it down to his children and grandchildren. Any suggestions would be more than appreciated.

    And thank you, Ana, for calling this out. Well, Vicki, I join you in the rewrite of a chapter zone. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43049
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Ana, No offense taken. I like the suggestion. Perhaps it was too easy.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #43029
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Thank you – Vicki, Ana and Lisa for your latest critique and feedback. I’m not sure I will ever be able to thank you all enough for the comments and suggestions for improvements. You will find yourselves in my acknowledgements when I publish this!

    That being said, here’s Chapter Twenty-Two. It’s on the longer side. Look forward to your thoughts.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #43005
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Zara, I reviewed Chapter 14 and 15. Really didn’t have anything to add to Chapter 14. Your writing is so crisp and to the point. I left a few comments/questions in Chapter 15, but also really well written. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Vicki Briner Submissions #42906
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Vicki, I’ve had complete overhauls of some chapters too. I do believe Zara provided me feedback on Haven very early on regarding my opening chapters. I completely changed the opening – it took me some time – but I think it worked better for the story. I am also a slower writer so I feel your pain. I think Zara’s suggestion works and would not require a complete overhaul. However, that is me saying this without having read the next chapters. Sit on it for a few days. Sometimes that helps me. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Vicki Briner Submissions #42885
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Vicki, Getting caught up. Great scene. You will see that I did comment in the manuscript that I don’t think a mafia crime family would allow these two to get together and then noticed as I was posting this that Zara mentioned that as well. Eric is FBI/law enforcement and a mafia crime family wouldn’t put their family in a private room with him. I made a suggestion in the manuscript, but I don’t know how the rest of the story plays out. Otherwise, the writing itself is great! 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Vicki Briner Submissions #42868
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Sorry for the delay, Vicki. I was trying to keep up with the Hook class online and became severely behind on everything else. Great rewrite. Not a lot to comment on. Love it.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #42800
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    I would be lost without this critique group. You all rock. Thank you for the feedback.

    I’m attaching Chapter Twenty-One for your review.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Lisa Warren #42780
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Lisa, I’m attaching my review of Chapter 2. My biggest suggestion is getting some emotion and reaction from Faye’s perspective. Your descriptions are lovely but they take the reader out of the story when they are not seen from Faye’s view. Weave Faye into these sections. 🙂

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Jessica Jayne submissions #42560
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Thank you, Zara, Vicki, Ana for your review of Chapter Nineteen. Better chapter because of your assistance. Thanks Lisa for joining in with Chapter One. Appreciate your comments. 🙂

    Attached is Chapter Twenty. For some reason I had thought I’d posted it on Monday, but alas, returning from a week of chilling at lakehouse has left me a little slow this week.

     

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #42496
    Jessica Jayne
    Participant

    Hi Zara, Here is Chapter 13. What an interesting chapter with big decisions for Ida. Made a few comments. Use what is useful.

    Jessica Jayne
    Sexy Stories with Heart
    FTHRW Secretary

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