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Here are some suggestions for your Dr. Max scene. Use what is helpful.
Here is Chapter 5 of Angel Devil. All comments and fixes welcome.
Ana, Tim, Kim, and Jessica,
Your comments on my Ch 4 were so helpful. Each of you noted different things I needed to improve. Thank you so very much. Couldn’t write without you.
Hope everyone is safe and healthy. Being ‘safe at home’ and it being too cold to work in the garden, I have great optimism that I will finish this book in record time.
Thanks again, Zara
Thank you for your suggestions for Ch 3 of DevilsAngel. I have attached Ch 3 of yours. Use what is helpful. Most are small changes to consider.
Here is my feedback on your love scene. I put some notes at the end of things I have found useful when writing love scenes. Use what is helpful. Zara
I am attaching Chapter 4 of Angels and Devils. All feedback most appreciated. Zara
Thanks for the helpful feedback on Chapter 2. Zara
I’m a little bit behind. Have a new granddaughter who is taking up my time. Here is my feedback on Chapter 2. Use what is helpful. Zara
Thank you Jennette, Todd and Kim for all the super catches. I really appreciate your help.
Thank you Ana and Tracy for reading through Chapter 3 and offering your advice. I am not used to writing such long chapters, but that is what my agent asked for. I appreciate you reading them so quickly. Zara
Here is chapter 3 of Angel Devil. All feedback deeply appreciated.
I do think something to the effect of “the man who didn’t even want her to be born” might help. Zara
Here are some comments on Chapter 2. Use what is most helpful. Excuse any typos on my part. Very tired tonight. Zara
Glad to have you back. I see you have made many improvements since I last read it. I have made some suggestions and comments with the view of smoothing the writing so if flows better. Use what is helpful. Zara
Thanks for the fast turn around. I have made all the suggested changes and am paring those sections sentence by sentence. Painful process. Thank you for you help. Zara
I downloaded the attachment, but I am not seeing any comments. Can you check that you sent the correct one? Zara
I hate writing these. I think we all do. Having read the entire work, I tried to apply my understanding of it to what you wrote. I think in a few places being more general than specific is better. My additions make it a little longer 116 words but still under the 120. Use what is helpful. Zara
Here are my comments on the second half. Exciting start. Use what is useful. Zara
Here is my feedback on the first half of Chapter 1. Use what is helpful. Zara
Here is chapter 2 of Angels and Devils. It is bit long, and I would appreciate any thoughts on where to cut it. I think I might have added too much description of the journey to the cottage. So please be on the look out for slow spots. Zara
Thank you for the great catches and pointing out how many times I used cold. very helpful.
Thanks for finding all those little things. You have terrific eyes. Much appreciated. The mother is definitely the villain of the story. Hope I am not making her too nasty. But she really was not a nice mother.
Hope you are doing well? What are you working on now? Zara
Did a read through of CH 1 again. I approve the changes you made. I added a few comments. Lots of those circle things you get when you copy and paste from an email. I tried to find them all. But give it a good look over.
I would read a historical. Love them. Just reread the entire Bernard Cornwell Sharpe series. Do you know it? British Peninsular Campaign against Napoleon. Utterly fantastic. My father fought in WW2.
Thank you so much, Todd, for the close read. Glad you caught those repeated words. The are so hard for an author to catch in their own work. For my last edit I usually run everything through Autocrit which is good for finding those. But human eyes are the best.
I am going to start submitting my next manuscript for your eyes. This one is more women’s fiction with slightly paranormal romantic elements. I am trying to leave a question in the reader’s mind as to whether this woman was mentally ill or not. It is also far less polished in terms of character development and plot so lots of help is needed. I already submitted the beginning of chapter one so that may be familiar. The period is 1870 to 1900. The main character was a real person. I am using her diaries and letters and writings as my guide. Have I made her sympathetic enough that you want to see her get free of her mother, but maybe a little worried that she fantasizes too much?
Here is Chapter 24. Reads well. Made a few corrections and comments. Zara
Just a few comments. Use what is helpful. Zara
Here are some comments on Chapter 5. Use what is helpful. Zara
I was happy to read your query and synopsis and think you have a great premise for your romance. Not having read the chapter, I do think I came at this the way an agent or editor would who has not read any of your work. So I did have several questions for you.
Note: this is my first time looking at your work, so let me emphasize that I make lots of comments, but I don’t expect you to use them all. Just consider the ones that you think work for you. If you have questions, just ask