Zara West

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Viewing 30 posts - 211 through 240 (of 318 total)
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  • in reply to: Jenn Fox Submissions #30321
    Zara West
    Participant

    So sorry. I really thought that it attached. Here it is. Zara

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    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30307
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you so much Ana. Your points and corrections are on target. Thank you for the feedback on Lisbeth’s too quick change of heart. I have fixed that.  Zara

    in reply to: Welcome Aboard E.L. Rous! #30306
    Zara West
    Participant

    So glad to have you join us, E. L. This is a great chapter.

    Zara West

    Zara West Romance

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30270
    Zara West
    Participant

    Here is Chapter 6. I would particularly like feedback on whether the character motivations are clear and whether it is paced well.   But all comments are deeply appreciated, always. Zara

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    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30253
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you Reina for your excellent notes and suggestions on CH 5. I have reworked the chapter quite a bit to make Anna’s motivations and feelings more consistent.  Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30252
    Zara West
    Participant

    Ana, Thank you so much for your feedback on CH 5. Very helpful. Big news is that the novel has just finaled in the Great Expectations contest.

     

    Hope the end of your novel is popping along.  If you need quick feedback on it let me know.  Zara

    in reply to: Jenn Fox Submissions #30251
    Zara West
    Participant

    Hi Jenn,

     

    Here are some thoughts on CH 21-22. Use what is helpful. Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30136
    Zara West
    Participant

    Chapter 5 of Take the World. All feedback welcome. Zara

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    in reply to: Ana Morgan submissions #30133
    Zara West
    Participant

    Hi Anna,

    Love to see how you are tying up the story. Zara

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Reina M. Williams Submissions #30123
    Zara West
    Participant

    Reina,

     

    Attached are my comments on the two sections of Darcy’s Secret. Use what is helpful.  Zara

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    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30084
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thanks for the feedback Ana,

    Glad you are enjoying so far. I am at the next to last chapter and Black Moment and really struggling to get it right.

    I changed the ending. Is this better?

    Everyone will come to hear me speak about the war. And I don’t care one pinched penny if all my Quaker ancestors roll over in their graves. But how will I tell Marmee her favorite daughter supports the shedding of blood?

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30079
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you so much, Jenn,

    As always you found lots of spots for me to fix.

    George Fox was the founder of the Quakers. Do you think I should indicate that somehow?

    ‘Tis looks wrong to me too, but I looked it up several times and that is how it is written. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/%27tis 

    Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30025
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thanks, Reina

    Lots of great catches. You really have an eye for those tiny errors. So glad to have you looking over this draft.

    You know, I have no idea why Anna’s sister didn’t take the job at the Mint. I just know historically she didn’t. Maybe Judge Kelley who got the job for Anna, wasn’t as taken with the sister?  That’s one of the fun things about writing historical fiction – you get to fill in the blanks the historians can’t. I also believe it’s a way to make history more accessible and enjoyable.

    My agent just moved to FUSE Literary, a much bigger agency. Hope that will help her get takers for this book. I’ve rewritten it so many times. I hope this one is the winner.

    Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #30019
    Zara West
    Participant

    I’m submitting Chapter 4 of Take the World. All feedback is welcome. Zara

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    in reply to: Reina M. Williams Submissions #30003
    Zara West
    Participant

    Condolences on the loss of your mother, Reina. Sending love.

     

    Zara

    in reply to: Reina M. Williams Submissions #29996
    Zara West
    Participant

    I had already done my Crit of CH 1 so I am posting it anyway. I will look at you new submission next. Zara

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Jenn Fox Submissions #29994
    Zara West
    Participant

    Here are my thoughts on CH 18-19

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Connie Bretes Submissions #29992
    Zara West
    Participant

    Here is my feedback on CH 21. Hope it is helpful. Zara

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Ana Morgan submissions #29990
    Zara West
    Participant

    Here is my crit Anna. Very clean.

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29893
    Zara West
    Participant

    Great feedback. Thanks so much, Jenn. Great suggestion to change stink to stench. Much better word.

    I am passionate about this story. I can’t believe this woman, who was the first woman to address Congress, was written out of history. (You will find out why later in the book) My wild dream is to make enough money on the book to erect a statute to her in the Capitol. Probably would have to be a very small statute – but still.

    Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29891
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you Linda,

     

    Your sharp eyes found things no one else did.  Made those changes. Thanks, so much. Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29890
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you for the look over, Ana. Always appreciated.  Off to read yours. Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29889
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you so much. Great comments. Good catch on the women’s/woman’s. Hard to keep straight. Would be interesting to learn why it changed. I know it was in the late 1870s.

     

    Zara

    in reply to: Connie Bretes Submissions #29805
    Zara West
    Participant

    Here is my CRIT of Chapter 20. As always use what is useful. Zara

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    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29799
    Zara West
    Participant

    Chapter 3 of my new historical. All feedback welcome.  Zara

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29797
    Zara West
    Participant

    Hi Reina,

    I replied to this via email and now I see my reply didn’t go through. I want to thank you so much for all your feedback. Correct everything you see even if it is a double space. There is no better editor than several pairs of wise readers. So everyone, correct away and expect me to do the same. All feedback is deeply appreciated. Always.

    Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29657
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you for the feedback, Reina. Great catches, especially on the punctuation.

    The last line in the scene  “The world belongs to those that take it” was actually what Anna wrote when she signed her photos.

    And this is interesting, since all of you have corrected it  – until the late 1800s, it was called woman’s rights not women’s rights.

    I have tried hard to use the language of the time and in many places actual quotes. I have a lovely, thick Webster’s dictionary from 1858 and I have read all the family letters in the Library of Congress. One choice I did make was to not use thees between Anna and Lisbeth, for the reader’s ease, although in actuality, as Quakers they used thees all their lives to each other. I kept the use of thee with the mother. She was called Marmee like in Alcott’s books. That was how they referred to her, and how she signed her letters.

    I want to be historically accurate, but if anyone feels the historical touches are overwhelming or distracting from the story let me know.

    Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29640
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you, Jen for the Chapter 2 Crit.

    Great catches as always. I thought I thanked you for your Crit of chapter 1, but this new system makes tracking responses hard. It would be handy, if the newest messages were at the top of the page. But I did get it and made those changes.

    Zara

    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29610
    Zara West
    Participant

    Putting up Take the World Chapter 2 for when anyone has time to look at it.Zara

    Attachments:
    in reply to: Zara West Submissions #29609
    Zara West
    Participant

    Thank you, Reina,

    Feedback from many different eyes is wonderful to have. You noted may salient points. Very much appreciated. You have been lucky to join up just as I started sharing a new novel. I hope you enjoy Anna’s “autobiography.”

    Looking forward to reading your work.

    Zara

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